Well, my interest got everyone excited - MOM IS FINALLY GOING TO BECOME A GAMER! Not so fast, people. Mom just wanted to do the Sims-like part, where you create a character and design a house and decorate it. Only with vehicles. But sure, I'm game (har) - so Jeff downloaded GTA V onto his computer and I started playing, which as you might imagine, did not go well considering the last video game I was proficient at was Centipede. At the arcade. In the early 80s. So yeah, I had a big learning curve.
Day one: I was on some sort of tutorial in a snowy area and after many failed attempts I managed to grab a stack of cash and shoot my way out to escape, but then I had to drive a vehicle on icy snow roads. Just driving would have been a challenge but having the car slip and slide? I kept crashing, dying, and starting over.
Also, I couldn't figure out all of the actions - most eventually came to me but I had to take a picture of one and text it to the kadults for help:
Allie responded first: "Isn't that enter? Like return on a typewriter?" Oh. Yes it is, and notice how she was speaking my language, using 'return' and 'typewriter'? I would have felt dumb but there were so many things to learn that I blanked on what should have been a familiar symbol.
Day two: More of the same but apparently if you fail at a mission so many times, the game offers you the chance to skip that section (I think this may only be in the tutorial version), so I did. Then I was transported to a coastal community in southern California, where I was part of a team repossessing sports cars. Well. I would either crash right away, or drive so slowly that the guy who I was repossessing the car from would catch up to me on foot, pull me out of the car, and beat the crap out of me until I died. Or I'd accidentally hit the F key which would make me exit the car and then someone else would beat the crap out of me. Or else I managed to drive away but would lose the car I was supposed to be following and die.
Day two, hours later: I stumbled onto the page where I could create my own character - yay, like the Sims! Except for criminals. I decided to make my version of Bad Janet from The Good Place. OK that was fun.
Bad Janet, with all of her attitude, ready to take on her first job. She had to drive to a meeting place and then get the drugs.
I managed to get Bad Janet to the meeting place - you'd be surprised at how many times you can run over light posts and pedestrians and still get where you're going. She got out of the car to get the drugs, only to be shot by several people. So we began that again, and again, and again. At one point I had her running away (in high heels - go Bad Janet) and lost the car, so she walked and walked and after a while I realized that I could click the F key and she would enter a car, even if it wasn't hers. Yep, old Bad Janet would smash a window with her elbow and get in the car and drive away; she made that look easy. Driving was still terrible, but at least she started out in a nice car until she crashed it too many times.
And then...Bad Janet came across a Mini Cooper:
Heck yeah she stole it. Also, get the drugs, I know, I know.
She drove so far out of the city that she got completely lost:
Get the drugs - yes, she would do that if she could get anywhere NEAR the drugs!
Apparently once you missed the first opportunity to get the drugs, the drug guy got in a car and kept driving away from you...I was convinced at that point there was no way to ever get the drugs. Side note, I later found out that I was right - well, according to some gamers online. You either got the drugs right away or else you got to practice driving around southern California, LOL.
So, here's the deal: I was playing this on Jeff's computer, which is a gaming computer and can handle all of the graphics and sounds, but I was using a keyboard to play, which means driving by pressing the W key to move forward, A to move left, D to move right, and S to reverse. Hey, I drove a stick shift as a teenager, but these actions were about 1000 times harder, mostly because there were either two speeds when driving - herky jerky starting and stopping (like a stick shift when you first learn how to drive one, LOL), or 135 mph. So trying to subtly move to the right or left was really hard, much like it must be when one is driving 135 mph in real life. I wouldn't know...I may have gotten up to 90 mph or so as a teenager (I'm not admitting anything, MOM AND DAD WHO ARE READING THIS) on a freeway but there weren't pedestrians and other obstacles to avoid. Also I may have only done it once. Maybe. Who's to say for sure? WINK.
Boy that was a tangent. What I was trying to get at, is that Jeff decided I needed an actual game controller to make it easier so I could, say it with me, get the drugs. He was ready to buy an Xbox controller when Allie offered to give me an early Christmas gift in the form of a Nintendo Switch, which is a handheld video game that you can also play on the TV. I abandoned GTA for Zelda, and that's where we'll pick up next time on MOM IS A GAMER.
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