Editor's note (haha I'm the editor as well as the writer): This post has been written several times over the last week and honestly, I've thought about not posting it. But in trying to document this stupid injury, I'm posting it because this is how I feel at the four month mark of dealing with a herniated disc. I go from what you will read below to feeling alright - often in the same day.
This week has been a rough one. Not because of pain particularly, although any time I got a zap of pain that added to it. No, it was because I was - I am - sick and tired of this. I'm done. Or should I say, I want to be done.
I hate this and I hate that it's still ongoing.
I hate everything I have to do and everything that I cannot do.
I hate the thought of never getting to do some things again.
I hate how sad I am.
I hate the pins and needles I feel in my leg and I don't care if it means the nerve is awakening.
I hate that when I get an injection, I get miserable side effects that last for days.
I hate having to lose a week or more to that stupid injection.
I hate that my dental assistant said "something is different with you" when she brought me back to her chair. She looked at me and said "you've lost the sparkle in your eyes" and she's not the first person to say that.
I hate being like this. I know there are a lot of people who are dealing with way worse things than this, and to them I say I'm really sorry you are going through this and I hope things get better for you very soon - and I mean that.
I hate that when asked what I did today my answer is PT exercises, writing whiny posts, and watching Veronica Mars.
I hate that I'm bored, I hate that I'm boring.
I hate that I'm probably going to publish this post instead of deleting it like so many others.
I hate that I'm not the blogger I used to be. And I'm sorry about that. I hope you guys stick with me through this but I wouldn't blame you if you moved on to more interesting blogs. I just wish this was over.
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Friday, August 2, 2019
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